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F​*​*​*​ing Useless

by Fred Irwin

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1.
Eastenders lasts about thirty minutes but it's taken me all night to watch And I think that I might lose my shit if I see once more it's buffering There's plenty on that I wanna see but my connection's dropped again My download speed won't reach a meg Won't they end my suffering? It's taken me an hour to write this song and I've still not watched Eastenders Virgin Media you're fucking useless La la la la la la la laa laa laa It's taken me an hour to write this song and I've still not watched Eastenders Virgin Media you're fucking useless It's taken me an hour to write this song and I've still not watched Eastenders Virgin Media you're fucking useless
2.
Eastenders lasts about thirty minutes but it's taken me all night to watch And I think that I might lose my shhh if I see once more it's buffering There's plenty on that I wanna see but my connection's dropped again My download speed won't reach a meg Won't they end my suffering? It's taken me an hour to write this song and I've still not watched Eastenders Virgin Media you're useless La la la la la la la laa laa laa It's taken me an hour to write this song and I've still not watched Eastenders Virgin Media you're useless It's taken me an hour to write this song and I've still not watched Eastenders Virgin Media you're useless
3.
4.
I'll sit in the kitchen with you We'll bitch until we're blue in the face We'll talk about the weather And how much we both have changed and I'll say Although I wish that I could write songs like Tim or Noel or Frank I don't care for fame or fortune as long as I don't owe the bank I don't need me any fine wine although this cider's pretty rank Oh no, I just need you You'll laugh, I'll crack a little smile We sit silent for a while Til you move to make a cup of tea You use my favourite mug, you're in love With another fucking arsehole who's got inside your head And he doesn't even know it, he just wants you in his bed Then once he's got just what he once he'll leave you like the rest I know he won't miss you You'll cry about how You've searched all around For someone like me But it's never ever me No it's never fucking me You're never fucking me You say you wish that you could be like the girls on Facebook streams You're lusting after something more and I know just what you mean But just smile, please cos darling you've got me and I know that I've got you But you fail to even see it, you're convinced that you're alone But you've got prospects, friends and family and a big-arse country home And me, yes me, I just want you for my own unbeknown to you Oh, you

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released August 10, 2020

Written and performed by Fred Irwin

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Fred Irwin England, UK

Fred Irwin is a multi talented, solo singer-songwriter and acoustic guitarist based in the South East of the UK.

His ever-expanding original live set soon made its way to the home-studio with the independent 2012 release of his debut album, ‘Nights Like These’.

Fred signed his first record deal in November and will be releasing his EP in February 2019 on Not My Dog Records.
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